1.16.24 - Renaissance: A Film By Beyoncé | Gems From The Rabbithole #4
Been working on this essay for quite some time...
I’m back to writing and it feels so good. Nursing myself back to health after the holidays takedown, I wanted nothing more than to lay and just numb myself by watching TV and movies. Sometimes I convince myself that writing feels like work instead of the remedy it always feels like in the end. My amnesia and the chokehold of Netflix — I got more and more beefs. Anywho, finally, I gathered my thoughts on Renaissance: A Film By Beyoncé…
Renaissance: A Film By Beyoncé (2023 | In Theatres)
I’ve seen Beyoncé in concert at least four times. No time struck me more than the Renaissance tour. I mean, she came out on stage, wind blowing, chartreuse couture gown flowing, a face that launched a million silver and chrome OOTDs, singing “Dangerously in Love” and I lost it. I myself was shocked by the tears streaming out of my eyes and the pace of my heartbeat. I looked to my left during “Halo” to find Nate, my white male husband, silently wiping away a tear, also going through his own spiritual experience. We walked home to our Airbnb from the Superdome full of worship and awe, slept, woke up and continued our chatter over what the fuck we just experienced the night prior. My ultimate verdict: never have I felt closer to Beyoncé — in my womanhood, in my boss bitchery, in my blackness, in my confidence, in my impending motherhood. Renaissance was her manifesto reminding me I’m that girl and I will have it all. Her gospel catalyzed my own “rebirth into untouchable freedom” this year. Two days after the concert, I tattooed “trust” on my wrist and a trumpet on my inner arm. Let freedom ring…
I’ve now seen Renaissance: A Film By Beyoncé twice — once with a group of 15 girlfriends ranging from Beyhive members to complete Beyoncé novices, another time with an inter-generational group, including my mom, auntie, bestie, sister, and husband. Writing about the film feels very intimidating. I’ve honestly been avoiding it, unsure if I could capture all the feels. By the end of this essay, it still doesn’t feel complete. But, here goes nothing…
In a nutshell: no matter who you are, you cannot resist leaving the movie feeling motivated, inspired, awestruck, and/or validated. We’ve seen Beyoncé documentaries before, so we’re familiar with both her privacy and her impressive work ethic. With this film, we’re exposed to her unhinged perfectionism, which surprisingly isn’t crippling — like it is for most of us — it’s riveting to watch and, according to her team, life-changing to be led by. Her rigid attention to detail, her unwavering demands for excellence. You’re watching a billion-dollar world tour come together under the vision of one of the greatest cultural icons of our generation whose team includes the top choreographer on the planet, the top dancers on the planet, the top lighting technicians and stylists and stage designers and visual effects producers and… Her work ethic, her leadership, her visionary, her team — it’s fascinating to watch a creative genius at work and I appreciated the film’s take your fans to work day approach.
Beyoncé is the ultimate superwoman. A wife, a mother of three, the employer to hundreds of staff. What I valued most was her not pretending any of this was easy. To achieve perfection is to make massive sacrifices to your health and well-being and all you can really do is try your best to take care of yourself in the process. She spoke a lot about her relationship to time and her journey to find balance. We see her fighting sleep during rehearsals held, presumably, at ungodly hours. We see her rehabbing a knee injury, whilst doing vocal exercises — the master of multitasking. We hear her reminding us, and by extension herself, that we are NOT in fact machines although capitalism would like to trick us into believing otherwise. As someone who has been in a 100-year war with this bitch named Balance, the reminder was much welcomed.
To mother and to be mothered… Blue Ivy and Tina Knowles are main characters in the mystic around Beyoncé. We have no real clue the kind of mother Beyoncé is but Blue Ivy seems to have turned out more than okay. Watching this mother and daughter talk through the decision and process of having an 11-year-old join as a dancer on the tour during these cruel social media times — I felt like the proud and protective auntie watching my sis support her daughter living out her dreams and my niece making her grand debut. “This that bloodline on the frontline ready for war” never made more sense to me. It was the scenes of Blue Ivy and Tina that struck the heart strings the most.
Again, we have no real idea the kind of mother Tina Knowles is but Beyoncé attributes all she is to that woman. The mother behind the superstar — she deserves all the praise and gratitude. I had to think of my own mom, sitting two seats away from me in the theatre. Her unwavering support always — I’ve often described my mom as such: if I came home one day and said I was quitting my job to join the circus, without question my mom would start calling any friends she knew with third-degree connections to Ringling Bros, Barnum & Bailey, and Cirque du Soleil and get this thang poppin. My confidence and my vision I can attribute to that woman as well.
A lot of people like to say Renaissance isn’t their favorite Beyoncé album. They say it’s just a dance album, it’s not serious and there’s no comparison to Lemonade or Beyoncé. I wholly disagree and the film made me appreciate the album’s masterpiece and listen to the lyrics that much deeper. Watching Beyoncé stomp around the stage with a her legion of dancers of all shapes, sizes, and gender expressions in their full confidence and unapologetic existences, she reminds us that we’re ALL that girl, we have permission to feel comfortable with whoever we’ve defined ourselves to be, and we own our bodies and our souls which can never be broken. The repeated self-appraise throughout the album trumps all possibility of self-doubt; you’re spell-bound into just moving your body and shaking your invisible 40-inch buss down without a care in the world. I savor the freedom to just relish in my glory as a bad bitch and to have a 16-song album hardly reminding me of my man and what the fuck he did now. The ode to ballroom, vogue, and house. Giving Uncle Johnny his flowers. Giving all the LGBTQ icons who shaped this music their shine. Introducing us to the gender-bending voguers showing us what homegrown confidence and not giving a fuck looks like. I dunno about you, but I needed the lesson.
At 42, Beyoncé has never looked or sounded better. As I inchworm my way towards 40, she gave me much to look forward to. How self-assured she was within herself, how seeking acceptance and validation from others is so beneath her. I’m honestly excited by those prospects — says the girl with typically no interest in growing up.
I don’t trust people who have anything but positive praise for Beyoncé. The people obsessed with talking about her alleged BBL, the people who’s first comment about the movie is to remark how long it was. A lot of those people call themselves fans, yet somehow find time to entertain such foolish criticism. “Who hurt you?” is my comically undeserved reply. I am counting down the days till Renaissance: A Film By Beyoncé hits streaming so I can moisturize my blonde tendrils in the mirror to the visuals and sounds of “it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s so good” reminding myself just how good a rebirth, a new beginning feels.
Final Verdict: It’s absolutely sublime.
On Wednesday, I’m headed to San Francisco for 48-hours on a work trip. Twelve hours total of flight time and I’m not even leaving the country. This is not one of my better ideas, but I pray the change of scenery will make it all worth it. Here are some gems from my recent late night Internet deep dives…
WATCH: Singles Inferno: Season 3 (Netflix) - I watch alot of reality dating shows. I kinda do it for a living. When I say South Korean dating show Singles Inferno is THE most fascinating watch, I mean it. Dating and courtship in South Korea is a world away from the hookup culture and straight up bullshit that dating has become here in the US. Singles Inferno is all about the subtleties — the awkward moments, the eye contact, the touch of some you like’s hand, the human decency that apparently was once courtship. This show is literally the exact opposite of Too Hot To Handle in an ethnographic research kind of way. Also, don’t even get me started on the absolutely WILD Korean beauty standards and colorism the show exposes…
LISTEN: Baby, This Is Keke Palmer Podcast Ep 39: Was Jay Gatsby a Black Man? with Janet Savage - F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby has always been one of my all-time favorite books. I listen to one podcast with a literary critic and now you CANNOT tell me that Jay Gatsby wasn’t a black man in whiteface and we collectively have had no idea what that book was ever about. And apparently F. Scott Fitzgerald said so much so in documented correspondence. Mind blown.
SEE: Henry Taylor: B Side exhibit at the Whitney Museum of American Art in NYC - Nate and I took my parents here recently and somehow the ticket guy hoodwinked me into a museum membership. So I’m a patron of the arts now, you’re welcome. We gotta support black creators and black artists by any means necessary. Be it a black TikToker or a black painter. Henry Taylor’s art was big, grand, colorful, moving, and the exhibit closes Jan 28, so go.
VISIT: Studs for ear piercings - I’d been wanting to get my second hole piercing since I was 13 years old. 21 years later, I finally made it happen. Studs is a franchise ear piercing place with locations nationwide that specializes in helping you build your dream earscape. I had a great experience and didn’t have to spend hours on Yelp digging around for a tattoo parlor/piercing place or walk into a mall Claire’s with my tail beneath my legs.
BUY: Ink+Volt Planner - It’s a new year so it’s time for a new planner that I really hope to actually use this time. Anyone else love buying planners, journals, and notebooks like it’s their hobby? Instagram got me with this one. I’m using it for the first time this week. I’m intrigued by the prospect of getting to see all my tasks for all of my projects all on one page.
Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, what you want me to write about, what you want me to watch. Or just drop me a line and say hey!
If this edition of The Nite Owl spoke to you, feel free to pass it along to others :)
But reading this gave me goosebumps again! Great album. All about empowerment and boss bitchery.
p.s. I peeped the shade there at the end haha
THIS!!! “I savor the freedom to just relish in my glory as a bad bitch and to have a 16-song album hardly reminding me of my man and what the fuck he did now.”
Brilliant.